soulmates

how long have we known each other
she whispered

i could not comprehend why it matters to some people.
the depth. breadth. and timing of feelings.
how can these earthly dimensions describe the intensity of emotion.
how do you measure a soul. how do you capture its essence.
how do you contemplate its play on life.
its confinement to perspectives. addictions to trivial entrapments.
the insatiable thirst to define the point of endings and beginnings.

i dont know.
maybe ever since this universe was just a ball of gas.

she smiled.

truth is. time is irrelevant to the whole context.
i was simply designed to love her.

it was raining heavily earlier today.
almost a storm, the downpour was magnificent.

i loved it.
it drowned away the rest of the world.
and the noises they made.
all the little insignificant things that they thought mattered.
all of them were lost. vaporised or drenched.
i could hear nothing but a curtain of solitude.
the speech of nature.

time was my only company.
it stood still. and mighty against them all.

the heavy rain continued.
we conversed. it was most civilised and intimate.
i found my questions answered
my conscience reflected. soothing echoes.
in the symphony of the rain.

then the rain stopped.
time rushes again. for life to begin.

aurora

she stared at me. perhaps with compassion. i could not see clearly past this darkness. it was still too early for twilight. but i felt her fingers tracing my face. soft and delicate. she wanted to comprehend. secrets. she thought i must have them hidden somewhere in these eyes.

what do you want from me

our bodies were touching but i could only feel coldness where our senses met. her hand rested against my heartbeat to my amusement. i could hardly believe it was still beating. i thought it has long dissolved into shades of melancholy. a silhouette of an empty distance. i wished i could tell her there was nothing left.

we spoke quietly. whispering intimately so that this earth would not hear us. in this hour we are the only existence. against the night sky and its fading stars. i could hear myself uttering these words to her pleasure. i was once again a lover. i felt her trembled against my skin. my lifeless touch.

she wanted me. the fire and tenderness forged by these kisses. she glowed into a spectacular sight. she reminded me of an evening star i have once loved. that has once swallowed and shattered me against her torrent suicidal wave. one that tore my soul into blackened pieces. ones that life no longer merged into.

she was still a spectacular sight. enchanting as the song that the wings of birds rose to. and she kissed me again. something in me wounded. i was held captive against this deserted moment. i tasted sincerity from her tongue. and her moist lips. her being where shadows and grief shrunk into nothingness.

sun rise

fiesta of life against the cold window. the sun rays was soft and gentle on her skin. i grew jealous as it feast slowly upon her beautiful skin like a painted sea of dessert rose. and sand dune curves. and i was the night sky that disintegrates each time the sun shines upon her boundless beauty. one that reflected from her soul like a dew on the grass.

my eyelids grew heavy. she was still there.
our fingers intertwined.

twinkle little star

i want to stop. chasing after you.
i wish to tire this time.
to let you finally leave. sailing away into horizon.

i do not want to over think. over analyse.
the thinking was overdone. the single fact blurred into shadows and thoughts.
i do not want to feel anymore than i should.
anymore than you want me to.

this time. i wish to stand still.
watching you disappear.
maybe wave a little.
waving goodbyes - God knows how many i have lost count.
waving hard as if that will be our last form of communication.
maybe it is.

i want to give you love
what you wanted.
i look forward to grant your wish.

i want to stop being there.
for you.

and i want you to turn around to witness the satisfaction
that my absence provides. if it makes you happy, love
i wish this will put a smile on your face.
forgive me. it was long due, i believe.

be happy for me.

back to the start

nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard

i simply blanked when she said she had enough of me.
i could not comprehend how is that relevant to the topic that we are arguing.
it came out of nowhere.
already several times in a row these past few weeks.

i held everything back.
i kept looking at the door.
at everything else that are moving freely outside the window.
my mind focused on nothing but the open road.
the blue sky. the companion of strangers.

this must be the most uncomfortable position to be in.
to not be engaged. a million miles away.

i packed my bag the next day and jumped in a car.
with bunch of people i have just met.
people that i have no obligations towards.
simply devoid of expectations.

we hit the road. wherever it took us.
i had no idea as i was driven away into distance.
into uncertainties. into possibilities.
for a moment i felt free again. from this world.
maybe a break from all else.
from any sort of comprehension.

few days away from it all.
they finally dropped me home.
we said cheers mate.
and watched those bone heads left.

it was late. the light was still on.
she waited for me. i greeted her with a relaxed smile on my face.
was still very happy from the trip.

as i leaned forward to kiss her goodnight.
she held me. tight.
she said she loved me. and that she was sorry.

of course, sayang.
same here.

this must be how it feels to grow old..

courtesy

fresh. young. nubile.

nothing separated her from me save for merciless distance. one that yearned to cease. the seconds had lost its own count. so has the soft breeze that attempted to ease the surmounting tense. broiling in me. we assessed each other. anticipating. i could almost hear my own heartbeat.

i ripped it away in height of the moment. catching her off-guard and surprised. took her by the neck and grab a lustful of her long hair. watching her gasped with wide eyes. and let her naked body lay bare before me. untouching. unflinching. i let my gaze caressed the length of her body. every inch of her beautiful skin. the tenderness she wanted so much to conceal and the appealing mounds that were embarrassed by this shocking attention. her long limbs and awkwardness. her eyes never leaving my cold gaze. the soft breeze embraced the uneasiness that her body displayed.

i released my clutch away from her. leaning away.
i offered a smile.
i wanted her calm and collected. not trembling and bashful.

i was in no mood to comfort.
not like i used to.

she was reaching for the cloth. pieces that i have torn apart. she felt unprotected and exposed. it wasnt that, i thought. she was trying to remove the feeling of being unwanted. as i continued staring. i supposed she noticed there werent much excitement in these eyes. she has failed to initiate anything more than a burgeoning curiosity.

my mind did wonder. the journey of discovering the physical pleasure that her body offered. the meeting of our lust and excitement. and i the lover. the worshiper. the animal. she the temple. the sensual explosion. one that i ravaged again and again. what a lovely picture.

i offered her coffee instead. i wanted her alert.
and to not forget.
what i have taken from her tonight.

road trip

royal lake belum.

i remembered it was drizzling when i reached here. after couple of hours driving up the ranges.
spectacular i thought. the scenery reinstated my longings further.
towards what. one can only guess.
i could only stare into the distance. ten years ago i would have been able to produce a beautiful composition to immortalise this moment. at this age, i was contented with only being thankful to be able to witness untouched beauty before it disappears or become another sacrifice to human development.
we take a lot from this earth. we the ungrateful little bastards. take things for granted.
we take them all til there is none left.

funny. it was never ours in the first place.
we forget that.

i didnt stay long here. i was merely a passer by.
we all are.