next time

 there wouldn't be next time, sayang.

i have given you my love. my vulnerability. i enmeshed my hope and longing into it.

i showed you my wound. and what's left of my Frankenstein heart.

i slit my heart open for you.

so that you will always know that we bleed the same.

wherever we came from, we were the same.

we were close. we were one.

please don't reach out to me next time, sayang.

i'd only stare blanks at you. wondering how much hurt i could swallow before you break me again. 

please don't make me smile. please don't make me happy.

please don't ever try to make me love you.

you have succeeded since the first time i laid my eyes on you.

age doesn't make me wiser. age prepared me for you.

for your chaotic presence and heartbreaking intimacy.

your love caught me right there and it burned me through and through.

and now you're done, you said next time.

i whispered sayang, 

there will be no next time.