Sunday, January 29, 2012

kpop

there was a reason why we drop boring subjects such as psychology and took up light ones such as japanese language instead.

they teach in a group of 7. all of them hot and sexy.
when they all lined up and getting cute in the front of the class
it was almost like watching girls generation live.

such fun.
i scored the subject.

see that is what school is all about.
stimulation.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

series of excitement

1984
i raced downhill riding my old bicycle. the brakes were faulty. but i needed to win. i was going so fast, i could not make the turn in time. so i flew off the slope, hopefully in style, and fell 10 metres away right in the ditch. i did not remember breaking any bones but i could not get up for quite a while. my older cousins came and carry me home. i was scolded because my shirt was all torn and dirty. least it was fun.

1986
i stood underneath the balcony of this one hot chick in my neighbourhood. i sang on top of my lungs some stupid love song. i sang with all my heart hoping she would come out to the balcony and fell in love with me. at least that was what i saw in the movie. somebody came out. it was her mother alright looking all confused. i ran off as fast as i could. hopefully she did not recognise me or noticed which direction in the neighbourhood that i ran to. i prayed for weeks that i would not run into her ever after.

1989
my mate wanted to do No.2 but the toilets were all occupied. i told him to use the principal's toilet instead. so we went ahead and break into the office, except the door was locked. so i threw a rock and smashed the toilet window only to find out that he was in it. we both ran as quickly as we could but there was no escaping. i was punished the whole week cleaning the school toilets. and my mate bailed out by being absent that whole week.

1992
had my first taste of being flying kicked at to the ground after school, by some wacko who was in tears. i know, pretty funny eh. i did not remember what i did to him but he was furious. anyway, i made it even by smashing his face against my knee cap. he bled and i panicked. but i must admit it felt good. really satisfying.

1994
I learned to ride a motorbike over the school holiday. i loved it. in fact i was so excited to show off, i offered a ride to one of the girls in the neighbourhood. so i got her to ride with me and i sped at the corners to impress her further. we nearly fell off when an oncoming vehicle appeared suddenly. she screamed for her life and swore never to ride with me again ever. i did not remember apologising. instead i told her that was fun.

1996
me and my mates were bored. the school was hosting a marathon. so we quietly climbed over the school fence and sneaked into the group of marathon runners running nearby. we ran as fast as we could trying to escape from the school prefects who were chasing us. i could hear them cursing and shouting. anyway, after quite a distance we split from the group and headed to a friends house for jamming sessions.

1998
made out for the first time on roof top. the night was perfect there were shooting stars and fireworks. literally. i wanted to tell the whole boys dormitory that i have just nailed the hottest girl in school, but i thought that would not be ethical. besides i was sincerely in love. darn, i wanted so much to brag.

2002
i spent my nights taking road trips everywhere unplanned. driving in the dark arriving someplace new and watched the sunrise. sometimes i spent days away from the campus being someplace else, surfing, hiking, wasting time with buddies. never really attended classes except during exam periods. my housemates having trouble keeping my whereabouts. when i got back they have converted my room into marijuana plant room. something like that. so i ended up sleeping on the couch instead with Poof the cat.

2006
my car skidded off in the middle of the highway at night. i was doing 160km/h and lost control due to wet and slippery road conditions. it was my luck that there were no other vehicles in close distance. i quickly steered the car back into lane before causing any accidents on the road. later i upgraded all my tyres to better ones so that it would not happen again.

2009
i was operating an excavator machine Komatsu at work. i misjudged the soil condition and this 25 tonne one-armed heavy machinery toppled downhill with me in it. thought my heart stopped for a while. i slowly climbed out and sat outside while waiting for the rescue to come, wondering how much it would cost me this time to repair this old bomb.

2011
jumped off the airplane at 5000 ft height. it was fun. for someone who is not athletic, this would be an easy sport to chew. just do not pass out during the jump.

last night
got into my manic street racing mode again. revved the bimmer to 220 km/h on a busy highway. at one point i got sandwiched behind a car who was slamming brakes, and by a speeding car almost a foot away behind me. my face turned white. quick reflex on the steering and sped away onto free lane. all that in split seconds. i slowed down after and could not imagine how much i have got to fork out should that turned out all wrong.

i have to admit to being
pretty much a junkie.
pushing the limit further every time. for the rush in that split seconds.
though i would say it is pale in comparison to others.

but these are the moments
that you could hear your heart beating aloud.
and arent we glad to know we have lived.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

afterglow

what is it love that you see
when your eyes are tightly shut like that


i asked her afterwards. as she eased slowly out of climax.
i wanted to ask her too why the tears at the corner of her eyes.
did i hurt her.

i would imagine that in the darkness our sight turned inwards.
and we would see colours. bright stars sprinkled across the darkness.
i thought that was how the universe and outer space look like.
distant and beautiful.

i rolled over to my side. my bad shoulder has been quite a problem.
ever since i fell crash landing during my recent skydiving session, my left shoulder has been hurting pretty bad. missionary position is only making it worse.

she climbed on top. the warmth and softness as she straddled on my chest. the tingling sensation of her hair across my skin as she drew her face nearer.
smiling. a beautiful afterglow.
she did not answer but started kissing me instead.
again. and again. covered in kisses.
i guess her action has direct correlation to the answer to my question.

nice.

forget what other people say.
skydiving is not necessarily better than sex.
just maybe more addictive.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

night rod

we were watching spongebob one night.
i was on a treadmill. she was texting and whole lots of other things.
i told her casually that i am getting either night rod or iron 883, and getting rid of my bimmer since she wont be driving it anyway.

absentmindedly, she asked me why would i resort to something ridiculous like that.
she then continued pointing out how impractical it would be and told me not to.

er.. hullo.
i sincerely do not remember asking for permission.

this whole relationship setup can be quite funny if you do not clarify the boundaries clearly. your lives intermingle so much at every aspect that you could no longer differentiate which is yours, and which is hers. whose set of friends you are with, whose hobbies at whose vacations, whose voices in whose heads, whose tongues and whose heavy breathing. got to back up a little, mate. you cannot be synchronising everything that you loose track of what makes you different. and special.

back when we were naive and foolishly in love, we did all the things that only superheroes can. swim the lake of fire, moving mountains, tearing up the sky, run butt naked across the field in winter (i must be really stoned back then), we did it all for them. in exchange for sweet intoxicating rush of feelings and other bodily fluids, we did all that. but we were eighteen. we were barely able to differentiate republican and democrat, let alone name 10 illegal drugs available in the market.

we placed our loved ones high up in pedestal. we wanted to please. like some stupid puppy we begged for a scratch. we let ourselves being molded into what they believe to embody the definition of perfect partner. or lover. we protested after a while, but they got used to it and we grew afraid of shattering the whole image that we have falsely projected. so we weighed and in my case, there are daisies. some of us actually chose to give in and let the partner, or the girlfriend shaped them which includes lives, careers, material possessions (regardless joint or personal), and lastly family. it is great if all turns out well. if you are at peace with the whole arrangement.

i did not.
i chose to be honest instead.

it has been the core of many arguments that i had in my previous relationships. my independence somewhat terrified my exes. they are not used to being sidelined. at one point i remembered being emotionally manipulated. the crying, the silent treatment, the shouting and lastly 'if you love me do this,'. sheesh. i dreaded that the most. since when has love become quantifiable and measurable. since when have i become an object or means to an end.

i grew silent.
and apart.

we all have been there. falling in love for various wrong reasons. some right ones too, i assure you. there is a very fine boundary between loving someone for who they are and what they can do for you. fundamentally it is about acceptance and respect. changes are natural cycle for human beings. we must learn not to fear things that come and learn to communicate instead. to be able to share with and to appreciate your other half. do not reduce him to insignificance. or to a sorry state of being.

be kind to each other. give yourselves an opportunity to grow old together.
it takes effort and sincerity to cope with you. and me.
with us. and the world.
continuous effort. and endless communications.

so i told her i loved her. lots.
but i am still buying one.

i told her that it is me and the open road.
just like me and the open sky. she was not thrilled of me jumping out of the airplanes. i told her it would be the same thing. the wind in my face.
and i would let her ride with me.

she flashed a devilish grin.
before closing her mouth and breaking into a laughter.

okay, i did not know what was so funny.
but apparently she was amused at the whole idea.

a great start indeed.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

giving thanks

i think i should note today how thankful i am.
i am blessed with many.

among them a special someone who has always been by my side.
who survived my eccentricities with great patience
who choose to love me though it was not necessary
who made valiant effort to cope with my erratic temperament
i made it sound so difficult, i know.

she let her feelings grew on me
i noticed to my benefit
she let me into her most hidden and vulnerable depth
i barged in with no ounce of compassion
she may not share the same excitement and optimism
nevertheless she tries to make my day.

i find that sweet.
and to have her near
to be able to hold her
in my arms.
we have shared so much.
she stood by me all these years
even when she did not have to.

and she has received fair amount of hurting by the things i said
whenever we argued
which can be pretty terrible and harsh,
i know i gained nothing by hurting her
i kiss her every night telling her that.

i realised how magnificent it is
my life now. truly blessed with her here.
in it.

sometimes i wish i could tell her
but i figured she already knew.