night rod

we were watching spongebob one night.
i was on a treadmill. she was texting and whole lots of other things.
i told her casually that i am getting either night rod or iron 883, and getting rid of my bimmer since she wont be driving it anyway.

absentmindedly, she asked me why would i resort to something ridiculous like that.
she then continued pointing out how impractical it would be and told me not to.

er.. hullo.
i sincerely do not remember asking for permission.

this whole relationship setup can be quite funny if you do not clarify the boundaries clearly. your lives intermingle so much at every aspect that you could no longer differentiate which is yours, and which is hers. whose set of friends you are with, whose hobbies at whose vacations, whose voices in whose heads, whose tongues and whose heavy breathing. got to back up a little, mate. you cannot be synchronising everything that you loose track of what makes you different. and special.

back when we were naive and foolishly in love, we did all the things that only superheroes can. swim the lake of fire, moving mountains, tearing up the sky, run butt naked across the field in winter (i must be really stoned back then), we did it all for them. in exchange for sweet intoxicating rush of feelings and other bodily fluids, we did all that. but we were eighteen. we were barely able to differentiate republican and democrat, let alone name 10 illegal drugs available in the market.

we placed our loved ones high up in pedestal. we wanted to please. like some stupid puppy we begged for a scratch. we let ourselves being molded into what they believe to embody the definition of perfect partner. or lover. we protested after a while, but they got used to it and we grew afraid of shattering the whole image that we have falsely projected. so we weighed and in my case, there are daisies. some of us actually chose to give in and let the partner, or the girlfriend shaped them which includes lives, careers, material possessions (regardless joint or personal), and lastly family. it is great if all turns out well. if you are at peace with the whole arrangement.

i did not.
i chose to be honest instead.

it has been the core of many arguments that i had in my previous relationships. my independence somewhat terrified my exes. they are not used to being sidelined. at one point i remembered being emotionally manipulated. the crying, the silent treatment, the shouting and lastly 'if you love me do this,'. sheesh. i dreaded that the most. since when has love become quantifiable and measurable. since when have i become an object or means to an end.

i grew silent.
and apart.

we all have been there. falling in love for various wrong reasons. some right ones too, i assure you. there is a very fine boundary between loving someone for who they are and what they can do for you. fundamentally it is about acceptance and respect. changes are natural cycle for human beings. we must learn not to fear things that come and learn to communicate instead. to be able to share with and to appreciate your other half. do not reduce him to insignificance. or to a sorry state of being.

be kind to each other. give yourselves an opportunity to grow old together.
it takes effort and sincerity to cope with you. and me.
with us. and the world.
continuous effort. and endless communications.

so i told her i loved her. lots.
but i am still buying one.

i told her that it is me and the open road.
just like me and the open sky. she was not thrilled of me jumping out of the airplanes. i told her it would be the same thing. the wind in my face.
and i would let her ride with me.

she flashed a devilish grin.
before closing her mouth and breaking into a laughter.

okay, i did not know what was so funny.
but apparently she was amused at the whole idea.

a great start indeed.