november 12th

how does it compare. 

if all the syllables in each spoken languages combined
if all tinges of melody in this universe combined
if all the majestic appearances of this nature combined
to form a singular word to reflect the depth of emotion concealed inside

it would fail.
tremendously.

not a single form would be comparable.

if you take this earth with its sky and ocean, and the moon
multiply with the masses of other planets and celestial bodies,
compressed them into a singular being to form a counterweight against this burden inside

it would fail.
miserably.

not a single mass would be comparable.

no amount of wizardry and witchcraft,
no amount of chanting and prayers,
no amount of fear and laughter,
that this superficial world has to offer could stifle and contain what has transcended far beyond physical manifestation

this magnitude of emotional distraught
from missing you.

*the above photo is random. 

eid ul - fitr

i was back in kampung. this time to celebrate eid.
kampung has always been a sight of comfort.
where i spent most of my childhood living a very simple ignorant life.
i woke up everyday just to eat and play. the whole kampung was my playground.
from morning till dusk.

no television. no telephone.
just tricycle. and lots of imagination.

this time it was different. i dont get free ice cream anymore.
ah poh is no longer around. the paddy fields are all gazetted for developments.
most of wooden houses have been demolished replaced by some cheap tasteless brick houses.
i dont see many kids around. mostly old folks trying to make a living with whatever left. numbering days.
though sky is still calm and blue. the air is still cool and refreshing.
but the walk around kampung is now solitary and out of place.
same path i used to trod with my late grandmother twenty years ago.

i felt something was taken away from me.
maybe time.

i reckon this should be my last visit to kampung.
it will only further deteriorate my childhood memories.
no amount of urbanisation can compensate the pristine quality of life
that kampung offers.

maafkanlah bila hati
tak sempurna mencintaiMu