kl.
me behind desk. boring, boring, boring. wanted to go home quick. Boss not coming to the office. girlfriend was going to call tonite from melbourne. as usual. she simply loves trapping me into a habit. since i dont welcome surprises, i suppose i could withstand routine calls. 1 hour max. and she would max'ed it.
chicago.
you were busy. drinking, socialising, studying, organising, babysitting. whatever it was you were scheduled to do. energy bursting out through each of your pores. you give life. you immersed in one. you simply had no idea what's coming. the world is one big adventure. you just couldn't have enough.
kl.
i checked on my friends on online network. wasting time. life seems dull. photos of people i do not recognise flashes on my computer screen. then i saw you. somewhat angelic. somewhat undefined. except the playful smile on your face. you wrote that you worships perfection. i became intrigued. who is this person who cannot tolerate flaws. not that you are a vision of perfection yourself. i tapped a line from a song. i told you that you looked so fine. shut the computer down and left the office. how i dread the call tonite.
chicago.
you have just finished a party. your friends are so many and you love entertaining. but you are going to call it a night already. need to fucking study for whatever test you are having tomorrow. switched on your computer after a quick refreshment, you saw an email. from a stranger. who wrote to you a line from your favourite song. impressed you replied the corresponding line. i want to break your heart and give you mine. need to study now. no time to write further you simply jot down your blog address for this stranger. and sent.
kl.
me yawning thru my office hours. i slept late. the girlfriend got too clingy. why. i could stand 2-3 hours of talking face to face accompanied by some love making. but not on the phone. i lacked the visual stimulation. and she called me during my favourite tv show. so i had my eyes glued to the tv, and my ear glued to the phone. she got upset i was being unenthusiastic. i can never win this fight. i switched on my email and hey. a reply from somebody. she is good. she knows the fucking song. and somewhat sounds a little morbid. i was impressed. typed the blog address and voila. i fell. didnt realised it back then. but i knew it was something to that effect.
chicago.
you read a humble reply. you couldnt decide whether to be flattered or swept off. and in the heat and dash of the bustle in your life, you wrote. you were consumed and supressed. think you have found yourself a muse. but this simply didnt faze you just yet. you simply enjoyed the attention and play of words. and the possibilities attached to it. this one you intend to play along.
kl.
me losing ground for a moment. it wasnt funny trying to decipher the sentences 'have i known the opposite of me lies in you, life would have been more precious'. all the while i thought you were really good. i questioned the rationale for these replies. no good. and i kept tumbling. like clothes in dryer. i was besotted. and i wanted more.
chicago.
life was on exciting mode for you. almost everything good seems to happen in your presence. it was a party that placed you in the centre of attention. everybody loves you. but everytime you hit the room alone, you searched for that far away thoughts that visited you often. somewhat my words sounded different. aloof and melancholy. i seemed to understand the language of your heart. you remained intrigued.
kl.
the girlfriend was getting very demanding. and clingy. drove me nuts trying to comply to her needs. at times i really believed that it was long gone. but there is no way to let down. in bereavement i casually mentioned i made few acquaintances. i seemed to forgot why i did so. but she interrogated like hell. i was offended. i became defensive. we talked no more of this girl. but maybe she knew before i did.
chicago.
you wanted to maintain a distance. you were not sure of this whole picture. you would certainly like to keep your armour. you found me too surreal at one moment, and offkey in the next. whatever it was, you chose to conclude that i was easy. and so you wrote things that underestimated my effort and sincerity. you were thousand of miles away, with a million things to do. you hardly have time to care anymore.
kl.
having been through series of word jostling and pauses from you, i became unsure of this whole game. certainly i felt ridiculed. but at times amazed at your self-obsession. but the last correspondence was a blow to my ego. who the fuck are you messing around with my head. and why would you. and why would i even care. the last one i couldnt answer. but i certainly felt that i have to just give it. if the bitch was right before me i could have strangled the apology out of her.
chicago.
the archangel wrote again. you were half annoyed, half curious. you thought i must be joking trying to establish routines of relationship without any real foundation. but this one was something you didnt expect. this was different from the rest that i have sent before. this was dark, menacing, and at times sadist. at first impression you found it slightly disturbing. but deep down you couldnt help but to acknowledge you have found your match. it is just that in the real world, first impression weighs the most. so you shut it away.
kl.
i knew. that one didnt deserve a reply. i was becoming a monster. it wasnt healthy. and therefore i let it died.
No comments:
Post a Comment