road trip

royal lake belum.

i remembered it was drizzling when i reached here. after couple of hours driving up the ranges.
spectacular i thought. the scenery reinstated my longings further.
towards what. one can only guess.
i could only stare into the distance. ten years ago i would have been able to produce a beautiful composition to immortalise this moment. at this age, i was contented with only being thankful to be able to witness untouched beauty before it disappears or become another sacrifice to human development.
we take a lot from this earth. we the ungrateful little bastards. take things for granted.
we take them all til there is none left.

funny. it was never ours in the first place.
we forget that.

i didnt stay long here. i was merely a passer by.
we all are.

turn turtle

my buddy was amused,
why did you say okay and turned turtle?

i didnt see that coming.

i.. was being polite. i guess.
i was attempting a conversation.
i had to be civilised.

my sorry convictions.
we had a big laugh.

november 12th

how does it compare. 

if all the syllables in each spoken languages combined
if all tinges of melody in this universe combined
if all the majestic appearances of this nature combined
to form a singular word to reflect the depth of emotion concealed inside

it would fail.
tremendously.

not a single form would be comparable.

if you take this earth with its sky and ocean, and the moon
multiply with the masses of other planets and celestial bodies,
compressed them into a singular being to form a counterweight against this burden inside

it would fail.
miserably.

not a single mass would be comparable.

no amount of wizardry and witchcraft,
no amount of chanting and prayers,
no amount of fear and laughter,
that this superficial world has to offer could stifle and contain what has transcended far beyond physical manifestation

this magnitude of emotional distraught
from missing you.

*the above photo is random. 

eid ul - fitr

i was back in kampung. this time to celebrate eid.
kampung has always been a sight of comfort.
where i spent most of my childhood living a very simple ignorant life.
i woke up everyday just to eat and play. the whole kampung was my playground.
from morning till dusk.

no television. no telephone.
just tricycle. and lots of imagination.

this time it was different. i dont get free ice cream anymore.
ah poh is no longer around. the paddy fields are all gazetted for developments.
most of wooden houses have been demolished replaced by some cheap tasteless brick houses.
i dont see many kids around. mostly old folks trying to make a living with whatever left. numbering days.
though sky is still calm and blue. the air is still cool and refreshing.
but the walk around kampung is now solitary and out of place.
same path i used to trod with my late grandmother twenty years ago.

i felt something was taken away from me.
maybe time.

i reckon this should be my last visit to kampung.
it will only further deteriorate my childhood memories.
no amount of urbanisation can compensate the pristine quality of life
that kampung offers.

maafkanlah bila hati
tak sempurna mencintaiMu

i find this image to be strangely comforting..

and i have drowned before.
literally. at the age of six.

red handed

my buddy kevin got caught red handed.
by his second girlfriend. you know, the bench warmer.

now. that happens a lot.
especially if your girlfriend is psychotic.
recording and tracking all your whereabouts via communication device.

so my buddy was upset that the girlfriend is having some trust issue. i wanted to throw it to his face but i let him come to his own conclusion instead. but in a way, i was glad because i didnt think highly of this bench warmer anyway. she was not as hot as the real one who is currently away. studying.

superficial, eh.
but i know good stuff when i see one. and that my buddy gotta win her back now that the shit has hit the fence. but i know all it takes is a wedding ring. platinum.

seriously, girls are easy.
but the nightmare starts for men once they got trapped that way.

so i sat and listened to him in the early hours. poking on trust issues, crazy drunk bitch issues, spouses with affairs issues, middle age crisis issue, and all other decadence which were grazed briefly. it was not an intelligent discussion. he simply wanted to justify his guilt.

i told him at the end.

enough with all this chasing and hurting.
gets you nowhere
let your heart settles.
happiness and wealth will follow suit.

but really what i wanted to say was,
should not get caught in the first place, ding dong.
what an amateur.

nonchalant

i was put through hell for almost a week.
for upsetting her.

it tested me.
that when it was over,
i told her to shut it.

no, i do not want to discuss about it.
i do not want to communicate of what has actually transpired
during those cold bitter moments.
i just wanted to absorb that moment of us coming together again.
and moved on.

she held me.
she was searching for my eyes.
wanting those deep soul dialogues.
i averted all of it.

nonchalant.
when it is simply fear
that i tried hard
to suppress.

of losing her.