Thursday, March 10, 2016

acquired taste

i coloured a picture of a boy's hair with purple back in kindergarten because we ran out of black colour pencil. the teacher scolded me for it. she said that was nonsense.

if i were to meet her again today, i am going to punch her in the face. i am sure now she has a daughter with purple hair.

i lost a storytelling competition at the age of 15 in high school. my story was a simple life confession written by someone who has AIDS and was sexually abused by his gay parent when he was child. I lost to a story about a family of frog who took three years to cross a river.

perhaps i did not weigh in censorship factors in school environment.

i wrote compilation of poems to a paperback company who produced back-alley fictions, they asked me whether can my materials be used for school syllabus. i hanged up the phone and never look back since.

someone that i have cared for deeply over a span of years chucked me an abrupt disappearance just when i thought we can finally talk as adults. i am talking to you, the one in Siam. seriously at this age is a little tad immature, dont you think? all the notorious things that i could have said and hurled at her for being a coward. but i just couldnt bear the thought of hurting her. i do not gain anything by hurting anyone.

when you dealt with several rejections, you started believing you are a trash.

to put it elegantly, an acquired taste.

your own friends never really understood you. your smile is just a practise to appear civilised to the rest of the world.

you scribbled goodbye. goodbye. goodbye.
on your skin all over your body like tattoo.

and to those of you who liked what you read here, think Frankenstein.
think of that monster. the one that was cut open, sewn back together, torn apart again and put back together. now the stitches barely hold the pieces of lumps. all crazy and unfit.

all these writings come from that little piece of meat called Frankenstein.
i am happy that you liked what you read.

too much drama, i know.
of course, in real life my net worth is in millions.
my decent text-book life. but millions are full of zeros.
that is what they are.

to you in Siam. we are in our thirties now.
i am raising my white flag. stop running around.
let's deal with it.

and to the rest,
good day.

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