in red

when she held me closer.
tighter.
longer than she normally does.

sheepishly.
but sincerely.

my brain went paralysed.
all i could say was

'okay'.

and i dont even fucking know what
it was supposed to signify.

3.37 am

i cannot sleep with anger.
it fucked my mind. over and over again.

and i cursed. i loathed.
violence is stirring in me.

some fucking woman.
doing shitty stuff.
wishing her mampos la.

i hate the fact that i am angry at her.
i hate the fact that i am being hurtful to her.
i hate that we are fucked with this turbulance.
and i hate the fact that i cannot sleep.

go, say sorry.
fuck. it wont solve a thing.

my being has never been so focused
on hurting her.
only to be so aware that i care so fucking deeply
for her.

how would one handle me.
go fuck myself.